My Mother, My Life

The picture above , my beautiful mother . Blessed enough to have 3 mother , ( the second one is one the picture as the picture was taken at my uncle's house ). The one on the left is the third mama , the right is my first mama . In case you get any confused , I am adopted by 3 beautiful soul whom are not married and hoping to have a child by their side till the day GOD bring them to the house of GOD. I am Eurasian ( Half Chinese , Half Portuguese ) , kinda have no clue who my biological parents because the family that found me when I was a child, was not the family that gave birth to me. Either ways , God have showers so much blessings upon me, he blessed me with beautiful mother that never ceased to put a smile on my face. Let me tell you a story about my mother. 

The beautiful soul on the left, Agatha Ng, my beautiful 3rd Mother, the youngest sister among the 2 sister. She have a very strong believe and faith in the Lord Almighty. The bright orange shiny rosary have never left her hand. My mother have a very hard life when she was younger. Life had never been easy on her , but she always have this beautiful smile on her face as if there is nothing that can bring her down. The day that they brought me home ( new home for little Kimmie ), there were so much smiles and laughter, never would I thought that the little baby me would bring so much worried to their life. I was prone to sickness like fever or flu when I was young , my mother will have to pull a all nighter to looked after me. I was admitted to hospital couple of times while my 2 other mother were on their vacation at Australia. She single-handed took care of me, right next to me on the hospital bed. Life as a young baby was so much stress-free and happy . Everyone at home loved me because I was fed so much ( 2 bowl of porridge or rice ) was not even enough for the fatty chubby me. I was basically the alarm at home for the uncle ( we used to all lived together at Malacca before uncle moved to KL ) to woke up for work . 

The day I turn 4 years old , was the day my mother worried about enrolling me to Kinder-garden which is pre-school. I remember it was a catholic pre-school around the neighborhood. My mother would wake me up early for school and walk me to school. First day at school was not easy because I was so attached to her that if she would leave and have me not find her, I would teared up like a giant alarm clock until she appeared right in front of me. There was this day that she decided to walk away after she left me at school, I was crying and running around searching for her, she would hide herself so I didn't found her, till the time I cry till I can barely breathe and the school teacher have no other way to calm me down, she will appear out of no where. I remembered that smile and laugh on her face when she appear, she basically stayed the whole day at school with me ( how spoiled I was ) . Once I was sick and not feeling well, woke up late for school and missed the school bus, mother was like , let's not go today but I would bug her and told her that I want to school ( I even pulled out a stunt just because I want to go to school ), mother then decided to carry me and walk to school. That warmth of her back , her voice and that smile on her face, I can still remembered it clearly. 

Time flies , there we go , I am slowly growing up and it is time to start the primary school. My three mother does not know how to speak English and nor did they know how to write or read. They do know how to read and write a little in Mandarin but not too well. Thus, they have come to an agreement to send me to live with my uncle at KL. It was hard to send me away because I was so attached to them and it is not easy for me to be such far away from them. The primary school life was not a memorable one for me, I learn so much things a child will never do, brought so much stress and anger to my uncle and aunt. The day I turn 9, was the day they decided to send me back to live with my mother. Finally I am back home with them again. It is like a dream come true to finally be with them. My mother have gone through a very tough procedure to enroll me to a very prestigious primary school around town. Mother would cycle back and forth from school just for me. She would even brought me lunch from home couple of times. I remember how happy I was to have her with me at school, until the day I was bullied at school. I was called as a trouble-maker because school teacher would not believed that I was being bullied but instead they would say I am the cause of the problem and mother would believed them. But my mother was half a father figure to me, she would check my homework and make sure that I score good marks at school. Though it was hard for her, but she never ceased to make sure I am her priorities. Paying school fees was really not an easy task because she does not have a profession , what she does was having this plant called Jasmine Flower. My mother she planted this tree that blossomed as Jasmine Flower, and she would sell them around the neighborhood to pay for my school fees. Better yet, some of the expenses does comes from my uncle. 

As the years goes by, I became a teenager.  Who would have thought that I would become such rebellious that brought nothing but tears and stress to the beautiful soul that raised me up with love and hope. The more I grew up, the more I became drifted apart from them. Till the day I learned that my mama is diagnosed with breast cancer. I was never home, always busy with either work or something else that drift me away from home. It was never easy raising a hot headed young lady like me but you did the odds mama. You certainly did. You were so strong and you did not even give up even though the doctor told us all to be prepared for the worst ! You are my inspiration mama! The letter that I wrote , I never had the chance to show you or to my both mama ...

"Dear Mama, 

I miss you so much! It's been 5 months since you left ! No matter how hard I try to be strong and accept the fact that you are no longer here, the pain and emptiness just won't go away! Each time I look at your photo I will just break down and cry! Because you are gone! I never get to say goodbye, I didn't get to spend time with you! You were supposed to go back to Malacca and you were supposed to wait for me. My phone was broken , you were supposed to wait for me ma ! How can I go to church without you , it will never feel the same no more ! The feeling of coming home will never be the same , the very first voice I would hear whenever I call home is no longer there. Who is gonna have breakfast after Sunday mass with me ( Roti Canai and coffee tarik ) ? Who is gonna walk me down the aisle and give me away ? I have a dream that I was gonna have a mother and daughter dance with you ! I miss your soothing voice mama , telling me to be a good girl and everything will be fine. I miss you telling me do not forget to go to church ! I miss you cussing me too because you would laugh when I said I love you ! I miss you so much my pillar of strength ! I never get the chance to tell you how much I love you and how much I want you here with me ! I am sorry mama , I am sorry for all the stress I have brought you and all the worries I have brought you . There is never a day passed that I did not blame myself. I know how much uncle hates me for mistreated you and disobey you. Mama come back , I promised I would trade anything just to have one more day with you! I am sorry mama , please forgive me! I love you mama ! 

Love, 

Your daughter "