21 Subtle Signs That Your Partner Is Being Emotionally Abusive

Is it possible that you are being abused and not even know it? Domestic violence is once again in the forefront of the news. This is in part due to abusive incidents who sports figures or celebrities that have become very public. Abuse is not always as obvious as being hit or shoved, called degrading names or ceased out. In fact, it can very well be underhanded or subtle. 

You may find yourself feeling confused about the relationship, off balance or like you are walking on eggshells all the time. This is the kind of abuse that often sneaks up on you as you become more entrenched in the relationship. I am talking here about psychological abuse, which is also known as mental or emotional abuse. 

Psychological abuse occurs when a person in the relationship tries to control information available to another person with intend to manipulate that person's sense of reality or their view of what is acceptable and unacceptable. Psychological abuse often contains strong emotionally manipulative content and threats designed to force the victim to comply with the abuser's wishes. 

All abuse takes a several toll on self-esteem. The abused person started feeling helpless and possibly even hopeless. In addition, most mental abusers are adapt at convincing the victim that the abuse is his/her fault. Somehow the victim is responsible for what happened. 

21 Subtle Signs That Your Partner Is Being Emotionally Abusive

1. They attack your character VS complaining about specific things. 

Most couples have had disagreements when one person yells at the other for not doing the dishes or forgetting to take out the trash, but some partners criticize their partners more broadly. "Saying 'it bothers me when you forget to take out the trash' is a complaint about something specific that a partner can immediately address," but saying "you're just so lazy. What is wrong with you?" is a criticism that attacks a person's character and may be too vague to easily address." And those kind of generalized dig - either in public or in the privacy of your - can be considered emotionally abusive because they can chip away at a person's self-esteem. Getting consistent negative messages like that, especially from someone who's supposed to love and respect you, can reduce your confidence and lower your sense of worth - and can make you less likely to leave a toxic situations. 

2. They make a lot of BUT statements. 

When your partner makes a lot of BUT statements - like if they say "you look beautiful, but ..."or, if you've slaved over a special dinner for them all day, and they respond with something like "it's good, but it's a little dry" - that's a red flag, especially if it's happening more than once a day. If your partner starts a phrase like this several times a day, then they're being overly critical. Statements like these don't seem like much at first, but years of this kind constant criticism will negatively affect anyone's self-worth, and that's pretty abusive. 

3. They start acting way more charming than usual. 

If your partner suddenly starts acting way more charming or nice than usual, that can be a red flag too. This is an abuser's way of seducing you to trust them before they act out their abuse towards you. 

4. The insist on contacting you 24/7. 

Emotionally abusive partners are always in contact with their significant others. If your partner tries to keep tabs on your whereabouts to the point where you're constantly checking in, or even begin to feel uncomfortable when you're not, then it's a bad sign. You aren't responsible for keeping anyone update on your whereabouts unless you want to. 

5. They don't let you speak for yourself. 

If your partner starts speaking for you and not letting you contribute to conversations, you'll become the "silent partner" of your relationship - which puts you in position to be controlled. This is a gateway behavior to abuse. This becomes emotionally dysfunctional because it takes away one person's voice... Either they don't upset the status quo and maintain the relationship this way, or they avoid creating conflict by staying quiet. What they're not doing is being equally represented in what should be a partnership. 

6. They don't want you reaching out to your friends and family. 

Emotionally abusive partners usually don't want you to talk to friends or family about your relationship. There is a privacy or a secrecy mandated in abuse relationships, as there is fear that the emotional abuse will be found out. This type of isolation is red flag. 

7. They emotionally withdraw from you and family. 

Some partners tend to emotionally withdraw as a way of punishing the other. They may ignore their partner for days, completely go silent, detach by no longer demonstrating any physical or emotional intimacy, fail to recognize special days, or simply create an uncomfortably frigid environment at home. This kind of abuse keeps one partner in the dark as to what the other partner is doing and thinking, and prevents the couple from moving forward as a team - and making anyone feel unsafe in the place they call home is definitely abusive.

8. They LOVE the drama. 

 If your partner can't let the past be the past, that can be an issue. Healthy relationships move forward after fights. If they truly cared, they would not say mean things to hurt their partner. And if they can't fight fair - using low blows or acting immature in their ways of communicating and debating, that's emotionally abusive. It's manipulative speech. They're manipulating things to confuse the other person and make them feel guilty. 

9. They make you fearful of their emotions. 

If your partner is making you fearful of their moods, this is another sign of emotional abuse. And changing the way you dress, speak, or behave to avoid an emotional blowup from your partner is a red flag too. In this case, you're no longer free to be yourself, this continue pattern can lead to dishonesty, deception, tension and possible dissolution of the relationship. 

10. They keep you guessing all the time -- in a bad way. 

Abusers use power and control to keep their partners destabilized and off their "center". If you feel like you never quite know what your partner is about to do, that could be a sign of abuse. The aim is to keep you in the heightened state of uncertainty and anxiety about yourself and relationship. 

11. They may leave for hours and days at a time. 

Your partner may be doing emotionally abusive things without even knowing it, like being MIA for hours or even days. And "when asked about their day, they simply provide a one-word answer or say 'I needed to go out' with no further explanation." What that person is doing is repeatedly rejecting the partner's invitation to engage in a dialogue, to connect and be part of each other's lives. As this escalates, you destroy the trust and respect in a relationship.

12. They make fun of you a little too much. 

Mocking or making fun of a person may seem innocent, but can ultimately be very damaging. This is more subtle and may come across as another person's form of humor, but it causes the other person to feel hurt or belittled. This passive aggressively puts someone down while maintaining a facade of being reasonable or blameless. These are forms of emotional abuse because they can cause the recipient to feel intimidated, powerless and inferior. Hurtful, mocking words may result in someone developing a poor self-image, feeling traumatized, and possibly repeating these actions with others. 

13. They insist on controlling the money. 

Whatever you do, make sure you have access to your own money and finances. If a partner doesn't let you have your own money, have access to bank accounts, or make a ritual of requiring you to become submissive in order to get what you want, this could be a sign of control that could lead to abuse. 

14. They send you negative texts on a regular basis. 

Technology  gives people more access to their partners than ever - and that doesn't necessarily help with emotional abuse. It's not uncommon for an emotionally abusive person to send negative text messages that can truly alter their partner's mood no matter where they are. Purposefully starting arguments before a partner leaves the house or sending negative messages while they are out are ways to deter them from having a good time while they're away or spending time with others. This can make a partner feel guilty, worried, or put doubt in their mind -- feelings your partner shouldn't be forcing on you. 

15. They use you as a scapegoat for everything. 

Being blamed for things you didn't do is never fair. But emotionally abusive partners often blame their other half for anything and everything. The partner has, in the other's mind, essentially become the scapegoat for anything that he or she is unhappy with in their own lives. When the blame is repeatedly expressed outward, it can leave the partner feeling helpless and hopeless. 

16. They're selfish when it comes to sex. 

Another place emotional abuse can occur is in the bedroom. Whether it's guilt-tripping you into having sex when you don't want to or ignoring your need for pleasure in the bedroom, not meeting your need sexually is emotionally abusive. Emotional abuse is all about control, and pressuring you to have sex or withholding sex are just more ways than your partner can control you -- and they can eventually lead you to feeling intimidated, shamed, and insecure. 

17. They shame you online. 

If you and your partner get into a fight and they immediately take to social media to vent, this is a bad sign, because it's a passive aggressive replacement for in-person communication. If you're worried about your every move being scrutinized on social media by friends and strangers because your partner always posts your interactions, this is definitely a sign of an unhealthy relationship. 

18. They give you the silent treatment. 

This sign of emotional abuse is one of the most common -- and one of the most overlooked. Not talking causes relationship discord and creates intimacy and communication problems. Yet, it is so common and accepted as a tactic that people don't recognize it as emotional abuse. 

19. They say "you should be staying home, doing the cooking, etc" - even if you don't want to. 

Certain emotionally abusive behaviors can be partially attributed to what society has engendered men to think their role is. Without overtly saying it (though many do), some men in heterosexual relationships imply that women should stay at home and look pretty and they will take care of the heavy lifting. This could appear nice in the beginning, but it's essentially a power play. While this dynamic isn't always outwardly hostile, it implies that femininity should be determined by men. And the weight of this expectation can lead a women to feel like she doesn't have control over her home, her body, or her life -- a recipe of emotional abuse. 

20. They use email and social media to control you. 

Email and social media are easy ways for an emotionally abusive person to keep tabs on their partner. By researching their friend lists and checking comments and monitoring in and outgoing messages, an emotionally abusive partner can convey to their significant that there is no private or safe space for them to express themselves freely. 

21. They deny that all these behaviors are happening. 

If you try to confront your partner about these behaviors, they'll deny it. Instead, they'll convince themselves and try to convince you that they're doing all this only to help you become a better person. This is emotionally abusive because accountability is key to changing the abuser -- and when they blame everything on you, they don't feel guilty or bad about it. They actually convince themselves that they're in the right because they know better than you (or anyone) what is good for you.  That is patently untrue -- because only you can decide what's best for you.  

P/S:

Not going to deny that it will be difficult for an individual to walk out of such relationship, due the lack of confidence in knowing that you actually worth so much more and your value is priceless. At some point, it is hard to imagine that a person's behaviors could affected so much on not just your mental health but also your self confidence causing you to have low self-esteem. Walking away from such situations, will give you room and space to heal and mend the broken soul, and find yourself all over again. Never ashamed to seek for help from professional therapist or from the community in your area that is facing similar problems. Talking about it and share your experience is the first step of letting go all your pain and hurt. Never forget that you are not alone and you are LOVED. Your presence on earth matters to those whom love and cared about you ( your friends or families) . God loves you so much my fellow friend.